One Month in Germany, Two Weeks in Großenhain

Thursday, September 24thAt the end of my second week, I am feeling much more settled in this new habitat. Although still missing some aspects of feeling “at home” or fully comfortable, the looming loneliness that I felt last week has loosened its grip on my head. These last two weeks I was in a hospitieren phase, or essentially an observation phase. However, I still did manage a couple whole classes, in which I answered questions directed at me, and came up with easy questions for the students.

In general, confidence about the success of this year as a teacher is fairly high. The teachers in the school are very supportive and thankful that I am around, and I have attempted to reiterate that I am around to help in whatever way is most helpful to them. It seems that a lot of my help will be directed at advanced language courses, as they prepare for English competitions in the second half of the year. One of my periods consists of sitting with my contact-teacher and only one particularly gifted student. This student is 16, and soaks up languages like a sponge. In classes with his age-group, he is exceedingly bored, and the more advanced courses don`t fit into his schedule. Michaela is preparing him in particular for a nationwide language competition that will take place sometime in late winter. If he wins, he would surely give the Gymnasium a good name. I am guessing this is why they are so concentrated on it. Last year, Michaela`s daughter came in third place in Germany in this contest, for French and English. Pretty impressive.

The advanced 12th grade English course is very interesting, and I am quite a fan of the teacher, with whom I have four of my classes (and I do not have any other repeats in terms of teachers). She has so far chosen very poignant, well-written pieces of literature and non-fiction for the students to respond to. Yesterday, we spoke for a lot of the class about American versus British racism. Of course, the kids did not have very much to say. They mostly answered directed questions, and did not really come up with many of their own. The 11th grade advanced class is by far my favorite so far because, as a whole, they seem to be most into learning, most curious about the world, and the nicest class to boot.

The other day I had the interesting (and simultaneously boring) chance to sit in on a teachers` meeting. They are monthly on Mondays. I found it interesting, because I got to see a lot of teachers in a completely different context. All teachers were sitting and listening to the principle of the school lecture them about the school, some programs, specifics of classes, what some teachers are doing wrong, firedrill procedures etc. The teachers were not listening. They were whispering to each other, twiddling their thumbs, rolling their eyes, yawning, staring at the clock and their watches, the clock, and their watches. This was especially the case with Michaela and Sven—the two people who I was sitting in between. I attempted to pay attention (to practice my German), and Michaela kept talking to me and complaining about what the principle was saying, and putting things into context, or simply asking or telling me about other, unrelated things. I humored both. I had fun playing into the role of bored student. More to come on the German education system, and its differences and similarities to the American system. There is just too much to cover today.

In terms of living arrangements, my room is feeling much more like home. However, I am not so comfortable with the kitchen situation and the hall-mate situation. The only people I interact with are the three girls I share the kitchen with, and a male friend of theirs. All four live near the closet-like kitchen, which is two floors down from my room. At first it was a very friendly atmosphere, but I think we have run out of things to converse about. They are, after all, relatively young (the one who uses the kitchen the most is 16 years old, whereas the others are a whopping 17). They are struggling through the banalities of high school, while (interestingly) living away from home most of the time—they all go home on weekends. On weekends, I think I very may well be the only person in the building, out of a possible 100 beds. Of course, this place is also used as a hostel-hotel, so there are sometimes new people dropping in and out, but they seem to usually be families.

I am pretty sure that these kitchen-mates of mine have shifted from a bemused amazement of my American origins, to a state of confused avoidance since last week. It`s not like I am not attempting to avoid being in the kitchen at the same time as them as well, because I am. The other day when I was preparing a snack of broccoli, beans and nuts, one of the girls stood at the doorway, and asked in a confused, yet pointed and accusing voice “bist du eigentlich Vegetarier?” (are you a vegetarian?). I responded, “yes, how could you tell? The amount of vegetables that I eat?” The other girl in the kitchen responded, “what? Really? I didn`t notice. Wow, Tina, you have a good judge of character.” I was interested in their response, because it definitely seemed like they never had actually met anyone vegetarian before. Andrea (kitchen-user), who continued to prepare her meat, and gravied potatoes in the microwave, continued the subject, amazed: “No meat? Really? Not at all? Why?” it was very hard for her to grasp. I attempted to explain the first experience that I had feeling incredibly uncomfortable eating chicken, and my conviction that I should be comfortable with killing something, if I am comfortable with eating it. At the moment, I am not comfortable with killing birds, or cows, or pigs. Therefore, I would rather not eat them. She really didn`t get it. I started to feel pretty strange myself, although fairly comfortable with my status, as I have defined myself as vegetarian for almost 7 years (more on ideas about food to come in the next post).

Since this interaction, our small-talk has dwindled. This was recent, however, and it is entirely possible that I was reading into the situation too much. However, the main issue at hand is still that I am in a different stage of life than them, and we really don`t have much to talk about. I could try to find stuff, and get interested in their lives and their points of view (like How to Win Friends and Inflience People suggests!) However, I really already tried to see if I could get engaged in their worlds, and it was not a very interesting or worth-while endeavor. Civility will continue.

In terms of staying, I think I am going to leave at the beginning of November and move to Dresden. Maybe in the next semester while in Dresden, I will try taking some classes at the University, or just sit in on some interesting ones. But, Id don`t know, it is SO expensive to study in Germany (this is sarcasm... most are free, but the school in Dresden requires you to pay about 500 Euros).

It is already time to start thinking about next year. I have the possibility to apply for an internship position through Fulbright, and receive the same amount of pay for the same amount of work (that is 12 hours a week for 800 Euros a month). I could maybe apply to intern at an organization that I am really interested in (something to do with food education?) and have the prestige of still being connected to Fulbright. My loans would continue to be deferred. Or, I could return home and return to comfort. I could get a job and work full time somewhere near good friends of mine. I don`t know, man, it is a little early to actually know whether I am going to feel comfortable or at home in this environment by the time I leave, or if I am really going to want to go home and reconnect with people. How fast does a year go by? I miss having a best friend, that`s for sure. I miss my Adele, my Agne and my Nina. There just are not duplicates of these people. Or, they are exceedingly hard to find, and they will probably never show themselves in Großenhain.

Fairly soon I will have a phone. Thank to god that Fulbright already transferred my baggage and travel refund money into my German bank account (200 Euros). That takes so much weight off of my shoulders, considering the first stipend check (which will actually be 2 months worth of money... SWEET) is not going to arrive until midway through my fall vacation (when I will be traveling around and spending money).

I wonder when I will actually be able to put these posts onto a website? Blogging sites are child-protected, so I cannot access them from work or the library...

Update! I am in Erin Bogg`s appartment in Leipzig. She has wireless. My computer is happy to have access to the internet for the first time in a month.